you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
