you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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