i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
