i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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