i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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