Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize