i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
