She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
