i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I cut my penus on the lid.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
