You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
