Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
youre lurking in front of me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
