I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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