I wanna bring you to show and tell
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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