Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
