Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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