its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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