Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
