Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
third nipple confirmed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
