he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
