My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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