I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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