omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
