I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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