I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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