we have officially lost it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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