"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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