No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
