so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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