hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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