Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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