So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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