I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
