Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
