Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
