Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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