I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
