can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am naked and annoyed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
