cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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