i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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