well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
