I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
