Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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