That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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