I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize