That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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