how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
