WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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