Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
