I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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