You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
