Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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