So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
