You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
