I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
