i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
