You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
