so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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