all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize