And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
