If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
