maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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