Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
