I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
