I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
