Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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