the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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