I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
