life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize