Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
