I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
