we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
