i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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