Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
