why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize