The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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