i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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