I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
