Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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