the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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