He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
