My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
