It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize