was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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