There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
