I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
