they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
