Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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