I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
