YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
