It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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