Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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