Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
