our cab driver is having phone sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are all done wearing pants today
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
