White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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