I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
