drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
