Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
